The Christlike Award


The other day I was reminiscing about going to an evangelical elementary and middle school, and a really funny memory struck me. In the third and fourth grade I received the Christ-like award. In case you were wondering, only one child from each class won that award. I’m really curious what the criteria was for winning that award? Perhaps, it was some magical combination of intelligence, pseudo-piety, and ass-kissing? The best part is I remember the next year when i didn’t win the award and how pissed I was over being snubbed. How unhealthy is that! Oh wait, it’s not my fault because the school was apparently run by bad people. What kind of moral idiots create an award for the most Christlike student and then award some kid in front of his peers and parents? Absolutely crazy. If anything winning that award made me less Christlike. I’ve been fantasizing about how I would now like to accept that award at this age. I’ve had a couple of ideas. Let me know which one is your favorite:

1) Upon receiving the award, I scream out, “There is none good but God”, and tear up the award on stage (Mark 10:18)

2) Upon receiving the award, I take a lighter out of my pocket and set the certificate on fire, proclaiming,  “I have to come bring fire to the earth!” (Luke 12:49)

3) Upon receiving the award, I take the certificate and pierce it through with a sword, saying, “I did come not to bring peace, but a sword!” (Matthew 10:45)

4) Upon receiving the award, I look up to the heavens and yell, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do!” (Luke 23:34)


5 Responses to “The Christlike Award”

  1. TharpSter Says:

    I think #4 should pretty much take care of it.

  2. Emily Says:

    I vote #3, because I can see little Jer doing that, and it is a beautiful sight.

  3. Wesley Says:

    #2 for sure. Also #4 because it makes the most sense.

  4. A.J. Smith Says:

    All four, of course, buy also a #5, where you get an axe, chop up the award (with the stage), and say, “every tree therefore which bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire” (Luke 3:9).

  5. Ian Killough Says:

    I think the people at grace would be most offended slash humbled by number 2…Provided you rolled it up and pretended to smoke it during the incineration. Also, rip off your shirt to reveal an undershirt with one of those “calvin pissing on a chevy” logos for good measure.

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